After spending a wonderful weekend in Nebraska with my Mom and sisters Marni & Courtney (plus Marni’s family: Jon, Ellie & Miles), I was filled with renewed appreciation for siblings (and mothers, of course!). Because of my frequent failings as a mother (and they do haunt me … I remember asking Kyle one night before bed, “Do you also experience this crushing remorse every night for all the things you didn’t get right that day with the kids?” His answer was an untroubled “No,” which I think is probably healthier), I am glad that Graham and Annie have each other.
I always wanted to have more children than 2 (though Jonathan once aptly remarked that in many ways, Graham is like having a set of twins), but that dream of three was not to be.
And I’m okay with it ... some of the time. Well, most of the time.
I used to worry that if I only had two children, we wouldn’t have a close family. (Yes, I recognize this isn’t a rational thought. Irrational fears are rarely rational. Duh.) But it was a real worry. I wasn’t sure if two children would create enough connections to keep it interesting. No offense intended to families with two children. I guess I thought three children would do the trick because it worked with my family and several families I admired (the Langens and the McDermids, for starters). I had lots of fun, too, with even larger families (the Laynes and the Moores) and idealized the delightful chaos that comes with lots of siblings.
I’ve realized now that there is plenty of chaos to be had with two kids.
I’m also in the process of realizing (meaning that I still have to shoo away irrational/future fears) that my future family will be close because I make it that way, not because we have the right number of people.
I think that a sibling (or close friend or special cousin) is such a gift … someone to help us learn to be unselfish, someone with whom to quarrel over first dibs, someone to play silly games with (I remember a game called “Shark” that involved jumping from bed to bed in Marni & Courtney’s room). Graham and Annie love to play the fun “Yes, Yellow”, a game of their own devising where one of them says "yellow" and the other says "yes", then the first says "lellow" and the other says "no". Then they switch it up a bit ... the listener doesn't know if it's going to be "lellow" or "yellow". Stay on your toes!
(Does that game sound boring? Yeah, it does, but it makes G & A laugh a lot in the car so I'm not complaining.)
8 comments:
I grew up as the youngest of 7 and always thought that was a good number of children to have. However after having one I think people with more then two children are crazy. Plus being one of seven there are so many grandchildren they become just number 17 or whatever number Matthew is. I don't even remember any more. This next little one will be like in the twenties. Too many for aunts, uncles, cousins or grandparents to remember or care about anything important like birthdays. I think small families are closer. I think two kids is a great number of children to have. Then you always appreciate your children and they don't get lost in that number whatever.
I look forward to the g/a interactions for ellie and miles. They are starting a little........
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I completely understand the late night conversation -- many times I wake Andrew up at night weeping "I wish I hadn't said this, or I need to be better at that" - when things aren't as I had hoped (or I wasn't as I had hoped.)
I'll have to write a blog about having an only child -- I was reminded this weekend how amazing siblings are in life. Darn you Lyme Disease, Darn you Hashimoto's, Darn you 4th Degree jagged laceration ... Darn all those stupid things that made my life different than I thought it would be. I wish for Elin all the things even 2 siblings can bring - a playmate, a partner, how different her development would be if she had to share her parents.
For the record -- I got the WORLD'S BEST SIBLINGS EVER! (Um, except when we played Barbies in the basement and you and Marni had Barbie-o-rama and you gave me a Barbie head with a leg stuck in the neck - the foot in the neck and I held the thigh. That was an example of NOT the best siblings ever!) :)
I loved having just my little sister, being 5 years apart and still do. I do wish she was married and had kids already so there were cousins, but Paul's family provides that very nicely! I did always wish for a little brother, which now I say I have 3 to boss around all the time:)Just watch what you wish for...grandchildren are still to come, and who knows how many that will be? It's interesting to see how I am from a small family and Paul is from a very large one, and yet we both are very similar. Your family is beautiful and I absolutely adore watching G&A interact together. There is definitely a wonderful bond there. I, too, go to bed and in my prayers think of what Mommy misfortunes happened that day. Will it ever end? Probably not, and so I guess I'll hang on to the end...if there is an end. Oh well, at least the kids still say "I love you" at the end of the day and cover me with hugs and kisses. I hope that never ends!
I love this post. And I love my chaotic siblings.
You are exactly right about your kids being closeno matter the number--this reads like a really great article that makes me cry. Thanks for writing down your thoughts.
And I loved Courtney's comments also! Barbie-O-Rama . . . are you sending that story to the Friend? Hmm . . . what's the lesson?
Erin, your kids won't remember that they didn't have other siblings - they will remember all the fun things you did together, and all the funny quirks about growing up together. They will have GREAT memories because the memories are made as a family. Keep making them! You're doing great, as far as I can tell... :)
gotta love those langen boys and girl. www.jesselangen.com
Beautiful post, Erin. Mommy failings from you? I've never seen it.
These two beautiful kids will one day grow up and get married and then have those additional siblings. I'm almost as close to Todd's sisters as I am to my own.
btw, there was still a lot of talk about "bowling balling" going on here today!
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