Good tidings of great joy

It is a beautiful time of year. We look backward to a millenia-old story. We look forward to the next year of our lives. We are inspired by the power of a baby's birth. If I had been on that hill with the shepherds, I think that perhaps the angel chorus sounded something like this. This soprano aria and "Glory to God" are among my favorite selections from Handel's Messiah. 

Not racist, but actually self-mocking in a culturally astute way!

Of all the internet content *trends* (and I'm into a few, including mommy blogs, Mormon mommy blogs, celebrity scoops, journalism parody), one of my favorites is the use of viewer/user content to showcase silliness wherever it shows itself. Call it Variation on Fail Blog, if you will. I've featured a few such sites that are examples of this trend before, sites featuring texting auto correct errors, sites with home improvements just waiting to kill someone, failblog itself, and on and on. (I also love Post Secret and it too features user content, but not in a silly way, in a meaningful, often poignant way. It needs its own blog post.)

I've been following those sites and that trend for a good long while now. It's not that I thought I had exhausted the trend or sites that feature the trend, but I hadn't stumbled on anything new in what seems like forever (this semester). In internet time, the need for speed is crucial. Have y'all heard of Cyber Time? Me neither. But it seems like it would be a measurement of the collective attention span of internet users. "Give us something new five minutes ago!" we scream out.

Thank you, Sue. Someone on your FB page mentioned this site. It's the "new" I "knew" I needed! I liked the sound of it right off the bat - whitewhine.com - because it echoed one of my all-time favorite websites, stuffwhitepeoplelike.com. (Speaking of, that site has a great Christmas gift guide up - it suggests that a never-fail stocking stuffer for a white person is anything with the name Tom's on it. LOL! Yeah, pass me some socially responsible shoes with my gross toothpaste, Mr. Elf!)

And I wasn't disappointed this blog's unattractively-designed page. This site (somebody's tumblr blog) says it will share "A New White Person Complaint Every Day of the Week". You know the kind of complaint White Whine is talking about ... this is from the site and her friend calls her out on it!

Something that reveals privilege, comfort, lack of "real world" skills and/or awareness or general clueless self-delusion seems to be the bread and butter here, like, "I am so bummed that nothing has come of that "Arrested Development" movie. It was bad enough they canceled only the best show ever after three seasons, but this delay is practically criminal!"

Yes, I've been watching "Arrested Development" on hulu while I wrap gifts. Man, that show WAS the best.

I loved reading the actual White Whine submissions on the site, but I also loved the way my own ears and brain started picking up on and creating "submissions" just for me, and all this after just one day with the site in my heart. At the mall last night, I heard this gem while walking past a kiosk in the parking lot, "I can't believe you're out of the caramel pecan kettle corn! I don't want the kind without nuts!" Hmm. It's actually possible that someone buying food in a parking lot isn't *quite* the person White Whine is trying to feature.

This works, however. While getting my hair done, another salon patron was griping at the front desk because the credit card machine was out of order and the salon was only taking checks or cash: "I don't understand why you would expect me to bring cash to my appointment here. I do not carry cash with me. Am I going to have to call someone?" (She said "cash" as though someone were asking her to carry hazardous waste with her. Yeah, call your butler, ma'am!)

I even read one lady ranting on Facebook about how disgusting her Turkish Delight candy tasted. Get a life, clueless mama. Boo hoo about your expensive imported candy. This same lady was going on about how she had to ride in the "way back" of this Suburu Forester on the way to eat at a fancy new sushi place. (Wait, that was someone I know ... and in her defense, she was actually happy to sit in the back and they ended up eating at a greasy burger joint, a chain called Culver's.)

Lite ranting: maroon & white

Round these parts, we like to refer to our neck of the Texas woods as Aggieland. As in, land of the fightin' Texas A&M Aggies. I'm a proud Aggie myself, class of '95, and am happy to have all the amenities (plentiful burrito restaurants, for example) that a college town provides. Of course, that Aggie name don't come cheap. I may be in violation of copyright right now. Not sure about that. I am sure, however, that businesses who use one of Texas A&M's trademarked names or logos - the block aTm, Reveille, Ol' Sarge, Twelfth Man, and so forth - have to pay money. If I opened a burrito shop and wanted to call it Ol' Sarge's Burritos, I'd have to fork over something to someone. I don't know which office collects that money, but obviously, Texas A&M knows its brand is worth something. A business can't just swipe one of the names or logos as though those images and words were part of the public domain.

By the way, this is not a post about intellectual property. Nor am I criticizing Texas A&M for trademarking everything about itself. Smart marketing, in my opinion.

This is a post about signage ethics (see Lite ranting: "bombs" away). Near the university, right smack dab on the main drag of both Bryan and College Station, a ridiculously long street named Texas Avenue, within view of Kyle Field, sits a strip mall with World Market, Bed, Bath & Beyond, and Pier 1. That part is unimportant to my point.

One block south sits a hotel. We are now approaching my point. The hotel used to be a Ramada, but Ramada built a newer hotel out by the highway. The Texas Avenue hotel came under new management. And lo, the new management team decided - bingo! - to name this hotel the Aggieland Inn. Good name, guys. They had to pay for that privilege, of course, but I think it was money well spent. Hotels around here make lots of their money during football weekends. The fans come pouring in on a wave of maroon Suburbans with vanity plates employing creative spellings of "Ag" or "Aggie".

My problem is this, and it's a simple problem expressed in a simple question.

WHY IS THE HOTEL SIGN RED?

The managers paid for the right to use a trademarked name affiliated with a large sports-crazy university whose fans are so enamored with the school colors - maroon and white - that said fans are said to "bleed maroon". Conveniently, most people actually do bleed maroon. Farmers fight, farmers fight, fight for maroon and white.

Why didn't someone at the sign company ask the hotel managers if they meant to order and pay for a MAROON sign? To me, this seems unethical careless on the part of the sign company ... and stupid on the part of the managers. What is this, some kind of secret Sooner establishment? Is the University of Oklahoma trying to get a foothold in our tourist market? Because for the life of me, I cannot figure out how money was spent on a red sign for an Aggie hotel. I am baffled. (Genuinely baffled, not just sarcastically, to-be-funny baffled!)

{Note: I've shared this rant with several friends, pretty much anyone who has been with me while driving on this stretch of Texas Avenue. All of them (Corinna!) look at me like I'm a cuckoo clock. You might be rolling your eyes too. But don'tcha think I have a point? I mean, a RED sign. It makes my (maroon) blood boil just thinking about it!}

Lite ranting: yuck

Why do they keep making and selling this candy? Who likes it? To me, this "classic" candy redefines candy as something that tastes like medicine. The best part about it is the cute wrapper, the way the twist is green, like a strawberry leaf. (Are those green tufts on a strawberry plant called leaves?) The worst part about it is the way it tastes. Be gone, berry imposter. Be gone from our Halloween buckets, our doctor offices, our attractive bank lobbies. We need more room for root beer barrels!

Lite ranting: "bombs" away

Sometimes when I'm driving around town or living my life, I notice stuff. Stuff that bugs me. Stuff that amuses me. Stuff that irks me. If my kiddos are in the van with me, I'll share my observations with them. If not, I have to talk to myself. Also, if I notice something that my kids won't *get* or care about, I just hold it in, stuffing my observations deep into the back recesses of my mind.

If only I had a place to share my random thoughts. A place where I could say or type whatever I wanted.

A blog.

Hey! I have one of those.

Cool.  So here I go, lite ranting away.

There is a new bank in town, Brazos Valley Bank. It sponsored the local baseball park where the Brazos Valley Bombers play. Clever, bank board! The bank drivers drive bright yellow rectangle cars. And its slogan - painted in bright blue letters on every yellow car, every ATM, and every bank itself - is: Redefining Convenience.

I really thought about that slogan the other day after passing one of those yellow cars. Its absurdity became apparent after a shamefully long while awhile. Why does this bank need to redefine convenience? I like the definition we already have. Take it away, Merriam-Webster:

con·ve·nience noun \kən-ˈvēn-yən(t)s\

1: fitness or suitability for performing an action or fulfilling a requirement

2a : something (as an appliance, device, or service) conducive to comfort or ease

 

That's a good definition right there. Works for me. If the bank wanted its slogan to be Defining Convenience, I'd be on board. If they wanted Exemplifying Convenience, yes, get me an account, pronto! But I'm wondering if the slogan is actually the equivalent of a crossed fingers behind the back trick. As in, the bank is going to redefine convenience so that what the bank really offers is more inconvenience. Longer lines, fewer tellers, shorter hours, ugly lobbies.

 

This leads to a side rant, one I've shared (cautiously) with various composition classes over the semesters. Probably no surprise to you, but the college students I teach care very little about signage. Still, I keep blathering. Here's my suggestion in a nutshell: sign companies need to create and abide by some kind of ethical conduct protocol that involves a) keeping a trained proofreader ON STAFF and b) alerting customers (sign purchasers) when their signs are ugly, misspelled, inappropriate or, in the case of old Brazos Valley Bank, Orwellian.

Stepping out

At the end of November, we participated in a fun walk/run event put on by the Houston chapter of the American Diabetes Association, thanks to the organizational efforts of my mother in law, Kathy, who worked long and hard to pull it all together. Our team - Graham's Jedi Knights - wore spiffy matching shirts with a logo designed by Graham's dad. Everyone in the picture is from Kyle's family - aunts, cousins, parents and children. We carried plastic light sabers, as you can see. Kind of crazy to realize how many light sabers that child owns! I love the fellowship we experience at these events (this is our second walk since he was diagnosed back in February 2007) - it's quite uplifting to be surrounded by other people whose lives are impacted by diabetes, to hear the cheers and to share smiles. Graham felt buoyed up as well.

Gloss

I have two children. One of 'em knows the truth about Santa Claus, the other doesn't. But it isn't the older child who has been enlightened! When they asked me this summer about the veracity of Santa's identity, I told them, "If you really want to know, I'll tell you." Well, Annie really wanted to know, Graham did not. In the ensuing months, he's ascribed all kinds of magical wonderful-ness to Mr. Claus. Meanwhile, Annie does this big obvious wink thing whenever she hears someone mention Santa.

When I mentioned that a few of his Christmas gift requests, the stuff he hoped Santa would bring him, weren't actually available in stores (vintage 1981 "Clash of the Titans" figurines, for example) or actually manufactured ... anywhere (Super Smash Bros character bank trophies ??? I'm not even really saying the right thing because it's not a thing, although I'm going to have fun with Google images and foam board, I'm sure, in an attempt to bring the believing child something special from the "North Pole"), he reassured me that Santa can make, do or be anything. "Remember how Santa brought me baseball chess last year? I loved baseball and chess but I didn't even know they were together. But Santa did!" he said.


Gulp.

My personal Christmas gift list is in good hands. My Mrs. Claus mom and North Pole elf dad have already made arrangements for many of the special items I'm dreaming of this holiday season. It probably doesn't spoil the surprise, for example, to share that I'm hoping for a drill. I don't have one. All of my pictures are hung on push pins. I have my eye on a few cookbooks as well. I wouldn't mind a pair of cords. I wouldn't mind a subscription to the Haagen-Daz's flavor of the month club either.

But ... there was one item I forgot to put on the list, although I did find it at amazon.com. Whew! Still, I'm sharing this special product recommendation in hopes that it isn't too late for any and all of you to make sure Santa hears this request (for your lips) from your lips. From your soon-to-be shiny plumped-up lips. Have them ask dear old St. Nick to bring you a bottle of CityLips Instant Collagen Peptide Lip Plumper + HA Filling Spheres. Becca gave me three bottles (tubes) by way of Cute Cori several years ago. And I've slathered on that CityLips goodness ever since.

Extra perk - within seconds of application, the gloss makes your lips tingle (some say "sting" or "burn"). To me, that feeling = transformation. Those lip plumpers do their job! When you're wearing CityLips, your lips are shinier and plump-ier ... longer. The stuff really works. Plus, it stays on forever!

One afternoon, Annie wanted to put some on her lips. I hurriedly stopped her. "No, don't do that, sweet girl," I said. "Because it would burn my lips?" she asked. I nodded at her, but in my mind, it was more like, "No, because I don't want to waste a single HA Filling Spheres drop!")

My daily pre-work make-up routine consists of powdering my eyelids (so the shadow won't float away like chalk dust), applying a neutral pink, peach or tan shadow, brushing on Maybelline GreatLash in BrownishBlack, rubbing in some creme blush, and slathering my lips with CityLips. (Should I admit that this routine is often performed at stop lights or in the school drop-off drive-thru lane?) Pretty low-key. Yet the CityLips adds a bit of pizzazz! I can't wait until someone makes CityEyes, CityCheeks and CityHair. Style in bottle, happiness applied with a wand.

I'm dreaming of my CityLips bottle wand while grading essays.

Cowl

I haven't watched TLC's "What Not to Wear" in, wow, 2.5 years. TLC was one of the cable channels in our DISH package (in my old life), and I spent more than one Friday night and/or late night grading session with Clinton and Stacy on the television screen helping hapless dressers find their style. One of the mantras of the show (at least back then) was to find styles that worked for the participant's particular body/shape/size, regardless of the trendiness of the styles. So if a gal looks best in oxfords, then by all means, she should wear oxfords, even if scoop-tees happen to be all the rage.

I've taken that counsel to heart (or at least to Target). I mean, I'm still a sucker for graphic prints, soft white shirts (though the color washes me out) and patterned t-shirts, but I'm better at sticking with what suits me than I used to be: flat front pants, A-line knee-length (not longer) skirts, wrap-around dresses, v-neck necklines, jeans with flared legs.

Speaking of Target and styles and "What Not to Wear" rules, I think I found something else that works for me ... at Target ... yesterday. I have a favorite pair of dressy jeans and another pair of black dress pants and both are too big. They're unflattering, actually, because of the way they fit, sagging in such a way that my backside looks like it's coming at ya in a vehicle's side mirror. (Note: this almost NEVER happens to me and I owe it all to the horrible ab machine that lurks in the corner of my gym.) So I went to Target to see if I could find some black dress pants. I found a pair of houndstooth-ish dark gray dress slacks with a flat front and flared legs on sale. And next to the pants rack was a shirt rack. And hanging from that shirt rack was a enticingly soft heather gray long-sleeved dressy t-shirt with a cowl neck. It called out to me, and it sounded just like Stacy London. "Yes, dear shirt," I whispered, "I'll buy you as well."

I bought the shirt yesterday. I wore it to teach my afternoon classes yesterday. I also wore it to work today. I'm fully prepared to wear it again tomorrow. I may never take it off. I've fallen in love with this cowl neck. See, I don't have an enviable figure (though I'm definitely trying to do my part on the elliptical), but I think I have attractive collarbones. Ha! From the collarbones on down it's average all the way, but my general neck region ain't too bad.

I think the shirt and its wavy neckline actually reminded me of this beautiful dress Halle Berry was wearing at some movie premiere (see above, just in case you couldn't tell the difference between the pictures of me and the picture of Halle Berry). I am definitely adding this neckline style to my Stacy & Clinton-approved list!

p.s. I should mention that I'm not giving up the white tights, Mary Jane shoes or french hook earrings, no matter what, not even if (gasp!) Stacy and Clinton told me to. Oooh. I guess I could go to cream tights if they insisted.

Gifted

I colored coded my bookshelves during our Thanksgiving break. Because I was moving furniture (TV to living room, sideboard to bedroom - now a "craft station", tall shelf behind door, big shelf to different wall), I had to take all the books off the shelves. Annie was my helpful helper! We even used a hairdryer to dust some of the books, 'cause all those stacks were dust towers. When it came time to put the books back on the shelves, I had the idea to color code them (based on both my friend Elizabeth's amazing floor to ceiling shelves and something on somebody's random blog AND my aunt Sherry's amazing book room, previously mentioned on this blog). The end result is Book Love City! I put all of the white, black, pink & purple books on my tall shelf behind the door. I also put most of my knick knacks and picture frames on the shelves with white books. It makes for a less cluttered, more pleasing look. So, I'm happy with that project. The shelf in the picture is my big shelf. It's solid wood, a beautiful mapley color, and I bought it 7 years ago at my across-the-street neighbor's garage sale for $25. What a find.

One of my favorite book sets (visible in the photo - top shelf, middle, green with silver titles) is a collection of Louisa May Alcott's novels: Little Women, Little Men, Under the Lilacs and all the rest. I received this set for Christmas back in 1980. I was eight years old ... and I still recall how grown-up I felt at receiving such thick important books. The gift made me feel like a serious reader, and that night, I sat in the living room recliner (gold, as I recall) under the glow of a hanging lamp and started Little Women. Thanks again, Mom and Dad, for the gift of reading and beautiful green books. I've kept those books for 30 years and plan to keep them for another 30! Annie isn't quite ready for the Alcott novels, but I'm thinking about having her read Betsy and Tacy Betsy-Tacy [;)], the first in Maud Hart Lovelace's beloved series this Christmas. So fun to pass on cherished favorites.