Friends

In my last post, I mentioned that my friend Elizabeth is very good at hilarious sarcasm and direct statements, i.e. "Erin, never wear that sweater again, please, I beg of you," and spot-on jokes and easy laughter too. No one is better at self-deprecation than Elizabeth.

So I got to thinking about my many amazing friends (cue Michael W. Smith "Friends", please), and thought I'd do a little shout-out, not to capture everything that is each of these amazing women, but to share a telling detail or characteristic, as a fiction writer might ... wait, I am a fiction writer, sort of, in a procrastinating-all-my-stories-are-in-my-head-or-in-Anne-Tyler-or-Diane-Johnson-books! I know that while one of my relationships has bottomed out, many other relationships have strengthened, and these friends have been a safety net for me, the kind that stretches beneath the tightrope, a promise of security for the brave performer up on the wire.

So here are my March 2009

Most Likely To ... Friend Awards

(family awards to be announced soon!)

Becca ... most likely to give amazing, creative, true, often homemade gifts with funky fonts & clip art, and to send cards that bring tears to my eyes, they're so filled with love, i.e. gifts like Celebrity Taboo for Christmas or 33 hand-crafted laminated celebrity birthday mini-cards for me on my 33rd birthday and amazing notes with old school Spaghettios ads on the front.

{Here's the sad part - I sent Becca's Christmas gift, um, late - a homies notebook and a muffin top baking pan in a Mickey Mouse gift box - and it arrived in Idaho EMPTY!} Her love language is gifts, and she speaks it fluently!

Heather ... most likely the friend with whom I could have a deep conversation about life/church/society/family, the friend most likely to want to talk about real stuff, issues that matter, so that conversations never get boring and our ideas feel important and relevant; when I think about our many lovely nights with Brent and Kyle, sitting around the kitchen table playing Monopoly, what I most remember are the words. And the pancakes.

Sara ... most likely to faithfully send me a thoughtful birthday card each year in her ever-graceful penmanship (even when I FAIL to send a card for her birthday ... this week ... like a total loser!), and there have been many birthdays since we have been friends since the 1970s, both children of 8th Avenue.

Ulrike ... most likely to home-make, to pamper me with an iced beverage or basket of chocolates or a comfortable seat so that I can relax. She truly is the hostest with the mostest. When another woman we know casually scoffed at the immaculate condition of Ulrike's house, saying "You clean too much!", my heart reacted violently, because her home is a refuge, a beautiful, calm place that clears my mind! She is the one most likely to decorate my home when I come into money ... and a home of my own. She makes her home a sanctuary.

Jen ... most likely to help me with my children, happily, generously, knowingly ... even anticipating when I'm going to need help/support/divorce counseling - and she gets a special award for being able to test Graham's blood sugar & give him insulin shots. I remember one night I was really worried about Graham's dosage while he was spending the night with Billy. I got so worried that I called her 2 a.m. Later, Kyle reminded me, when I tried to explain to him that I wasn't sure if she knew about the dosage in a syringe, "She's a doctor of Chemistry, Erin. I think she knows how to measure." So right! Jen is most likely to be a rock, and most likely to offer me, willingly, the use of anything that's hers.

Corinna - most likely to be up for fun! On the worst night of 2009 {hey, the year is young, but I don't think it'll get worse than that night}, I was so glad to be watching a movie, then eating out, then hanging out with her. I can talk about weaknesses and vulnerabilities and the crazy ways our children stretch us [Our Scream-Free Parenting discussion group meets next Friday!], and I can both cry and laugh and enjoy myself.

Jennifer ... most likely to take my crying phone calls and to listen in all the right ways; the first night I met Jennifer, I knew we would be great friends, because when I meet a devout member of the church who is also liberal and also loves books/words/humanities-related anything and also uses homeopathics and also wears funky shoes, then I know I've got a friend for life.

Kara ... most likely to document our friendship, through pictures and postings and efforts to connect, and who keeps at it, even when I'm a weak pen pal, and makes sure that not a year goes by that we don't spend at least a few hours together in the beautiful Minnesota outdoors (or indoors, if it's Christmastime).

Robyn ... most likely be the person I can count on at the last minute or the last hour, who knows what single parenting feels like, who loves to gab and analyze and who I could imagine having a sleepover with, and who doesn't fret about last minute requests, and who really keeps me in her mind, I can tell, and gets what's going on.

Janine ... most likely to demonstrate empathy and understanding in a single glance. During this past year, Janine, without fail, would smile at me in a way that conveyed her sympathy and admiration, and while I definitely wanted sympathy and most likely did not deserve admiration, I felt stronger for knowing that she cared about me.

Stephanie ... most likely to make me feel like an interesting, worthwhile person, someone she enjoys spending time with, and was one of the first people I confided in about the breakdown of my old life.

Allison A-T ... most likely to help me in my calling through her loving support and easy-going all-around adorable okay-ness; I know I was guided by the Spirit when I submitted her name to the bishop. Though our time in Young Women has been busy and crazy and sometimes understaffed, I've always felt that she would be there, with bells on or board games in hand.

Allison T-T ... most likely to laugh at my jokes and let me know that she would truly do anything (like lend out her husband for painting help or moving work) if I needed help.

Kate ... most likely to remind me that I have new chapters ahead of me, yet to be written.

and

Elizabeth (I thought I'd said it in the previous post, but then decided she needed an entry on this list too, if only for me) ... most likely to make me laugh, but also to make me think about what I settle for and to challenge me in a great, grown-up way. She's always been good at direct questions - real questions - that can't be answered with simple yes or no. Elizabeth is also most likely to be genuinely interested in my religious life without being either threatened or mocking ... this trait is incredibly rare, but it's why I have loved attending services with her at her Unitarian/Universalist church the last two times I've visited D.C. She's definitely attended meetings with me, and admired the Washington D.C. temple with me from the view inside her car as we approached it on a Maryland parkway.