Apple computers

I promise I won't keep quoting from stuffwhitepeoplelike.com (though Jennifer says it is addictive!), but I thought this chunk o'text was apropos BECAUSE my apple computers aren't doing well, especially my iBook G4 (a little white laptop that looks like a toy). Graham has suggested we get a Dell. Yes, he has. He's about 10 years too late for that pitchman job, but hey :) Annie has no opinion. But me, I already had a conversation with myself about the importance of getting another Mac. And then I told myself, Erin, don't get one of those new Mac clones. It won't be the same.

Why not? I ask myself. Mac clones run OS10,I would think. Mac clones have the same software and user-friendly interfaces, right?

But Mac clones do not have a light up apple! Also, I really liked that song used earlier this year in the commercials for that thin Mac laptop. Can't remember the name - the airbook? - but it fit inside a manila envelope. That was a good song.

(Ha ha - don't worry! I'm laughing at myself and my apple-love. To give me some credit, the Hills always had Macs. We had Macs when I was a little girl, before Macs even had hard drives. So I was reared with the glowing apple.)

Read on...

Plain and simple, white people don’t just like Apple, they love and need Apple to operate.

On the surface, you would ask yourself, how is that white people love a multi-billion dollar company with manufacturing plants in China, mass production, and that contributes to global pollution through the manufacture of consumer electronic devices?

Simple answer: Apple products tell the world you are creative and unique. They are an exclusive product line only used by every white college student, designer, writer, English teacher, and hipster on the planet.

You see, a long time ago Apple’s were super popular among layout artists and graphic designers. Then Apple released Final Cut Pro and became the standard for film editors. As a result, lots of creative industries used Apple computers instead of PCs. Eventually, people started making the connection, and all of a sudden all white people need to have a Mac.

When you ask white people about Mac’s they will say “oh, it’s so much better than Windows,” “it’s just easier to use,” “they are so cutting edge,” and so forth. What’s amazing is that white people NEED to meet people who use Windows to justify themselves spending an extra $500 for a pretty looking machine.

It is also important that white people are reminded of their creativity, and remember you need a Mac to creatively check email, creatively check websites, and creatively watch DVDs on planes.

White people also need iPods, iPhones, Apple TV, AirPort Express stations, and anything else that Apple will produce. Because you need to express your uniqueness by purchasing everything that a publicly traded company produces.

Apple products also come with stickers. Some people put them on their computer, some people put them on windows, but to take it to the pinnacle of whiteness, you need to put the Apple sticker in the rear window of your Prius, Jetta, BMW, Subaru 4WD Station Wagon or Audi. You then need to drive to a local coffee shop (Starbucks will do in a pinch) and set up your apple for the world to see. Thankfully, the Apple logo on the back will light up! So even in a dark place, people can see how unique and creative you (and the five other people doing the exact same thing) truly are!

Knowledge of Apple products can be useful in a number of social situations. If you see a white person with a Mac, an easy way to approach them is to say “Is that a Powerbook? What OS do you have?” They will happily start talking to you, after the requisite five minutes, you can invite them to an 80s night.