Lent

Our dear Smith family friends are Catholic, and shared with us, at a recent Children's Museum/Chess Club playdate, what they are giving up for Lent. My kids were very impressed that Christian would be giving up soda and candy, and Oliver would be giving up candy, plus selecting some of his toys to share with needy children.

We've talked about Lent since then. The LDS church does not observe Lent, though I recall giving up something during childhood years for our own family version of Lent. It's a beautiful idea, and one very much in keeping with our LDS principles of fasting, fast offerings, and mastering the natural man.

This morning, on the way to school, Graham brought up the subject again. "Mom, what would you give up for Lent, if you were giving up something for Lent?"

I thought for a moment, then came up with an answer. I had just opened my mouth to reply when Graham interrupted.

"Wait Mom, I think I know what it is!" said Graham. "I think you would give up yelling for Lent."

"How did you know that?" I asked Graham, perhaps too incredulously.

"Well, I've heard you say it before," he said, somewhat diplomatically for an 8 year old.

I answered honestly: "It kind of makes me sad that you knew I would say I wanted to give up yelling."

"Why?" he asked.

"It makes me wonder if I'm a very good mom." (Cue sad music & self pity at the steering wheel.)

"Oh you're a great Mom!" both kids cried out in unison. (Let it be noted that I let them have some Captain Crunch cereal for breakfast.) "You just yell sometimes," added Graham.

A minute or so later Annie said quietly, "I knew you were going to say yelling too, but I didn't want to say it out loud."

Wow.

I will also note that I've been telling the kids about an upcoming book study I'm going to be participating in with friends (any friends in B/CS are welcome to read this book & join the two-part discussion/application nights!). The book, Scream-Free Parenting, was one I read over Christmas, and found deeply thought-provoking and wise. So perhaps (perhaps?) the kids already know that I want to stop, um, yelling. (The book is about eliminating any form of emotional reactivity in parenting, not just screaming. The title is a bit off-putting for more mild mannered mothers.)

Do I always yell? No. I try really hard to be loving and patient and practice deep breathing on a regular basis.

Do I sometimes yell? Yes.

Do I more than sometimes raise my voice at Graham when he dawdles in his bed, at 7:15 a.m., playing with the cats instead of getting dressed? Do I sometimes yell at the end of the day (or the beginning of the afternoon) when stuff is just dumped everywhere? When Graham says he can't even sit at the table where cucumbers are being served? When Annie says for the 300th time, "I don't want to go to church" on a Sunday morning?

Now I'm making excuses.

Bottom line, I've always had to work on my temper. I've been working extra hard over the last year. I have been only partially successful. But if I rephrase that, I could say, yes, I've been successful to a degree.

Being a single parent exacerbates everything that stressed me in the first place. I highly don't recommend it.

When my old life started to unravel, I did have the whisperings of the Spirit that I would be able to learn something from what was about to happen to help me in the rearing of my children. Charity suffereth long, and is, second to the atonement, the most profound and life-changing concept I can think of.

So yes, I am going to give up yelling for Lent. I'm going to put my New Year's Resolution rock that says 1 Corinthians 13 right next to my computer. Say no more!

However - and ask my sisters anytime about how much this bugged them growing up! - I'm not quite ready to give up lip biting.