We are taught in our church (and I know other churches teach it too) that a marriage covenant has three beings in it: the husband, the wife and God. It's a beautiful concept, and one that can sustain a couple during difficult times. No matter what, God keeps his promises and each spouse can forge ahead even when there are problems.
Unfortunately, divorce has its own triangle: the ex-husband, the ex-wife and the judge. In a long list of my divorce-related grudges, frustrations, heartbreaks, and complaints - and it will be final early summer - this is the one that's currently stuck in my craw. From now on (or at least until my children are legal adults), I'll have to maintain the approval of a judge. We both will. By severing the legal contract - and because we have minor children - this new third party entity has a say in where we live, where we work, how long we go on vacation, how we spend our weekend time, what kind of food we eat, how we style our hair.
Yes, I'm totally serious! I have to get permission to get highlights.
Okay. That's a lie. Also, the judge doesn't care what kind of food we eat. But the rest is no fib.
Excuse me, but does it feel a little warm in here to you? I can't... quite... breathe...
Note: I'm not saying it shouldn't be this way. Personally, I think it should be difficult to get divorced. Maybe it should be more difficult! I just don't like being in this position. :)
Yes, your Honor, I am listening!
12 comments:
Oh Erin, I'm so sorry. My parents were in court so many times when I was a kid -- the last time when I GRADUATED FROM COLLEGE. And now they are amiable, and it is all fine, but: Judges. I'm sorry.
NO fun-I'm sorry too. I have a friend who recently went through this in the fall and I wouldn't like it either. :(
My mother and father were divorced when I was four. The divorce papers (of which I have a copy) only state that he was supposed to pay her $25.00 per month child support - he never paid a dime; I don't think she ever went after it. I think it was the Christmas after the divorce that I got a present from him (it was a gangster tommy gun). I did like it. As far as I know I never heard from him again until my high school graduation. I don't recall my mother ever saying anything negative about him. I was lucky, my mother didn't want him and he seemed not to want me - but, and a very big but, my mother wanted me. So, no fight about who I was with or where I lived. We never had anything but I REALLY loved her. She was a lovely lady. She has been dead since 1966 (50 years old). The point of this message is that whatever happens Erin's children will ALWAYS love her. Erin is a lot like my mother (dark hair, alto voice, very loving, lots of fun, very literary, bright, very smart, etc.). I love it when Erin, Graham, and Annie come to visit us in MN. Judges beware and stay away from "messing with" MN visits.
Love,
Dad/Granddad Fred
* Graham and Annie are also very blessed because their dad REALLY loves them :).
Erin, God always keeps His promises. Especially the one that He will never leave you or forsake you. You can forge ahead because of that promise! These parts of life are stinky. Putrid. Rank. Disgusting. BUT God is faithful and He will carry you! I love you!
It is personal, but I'm so glad you share these personal thoughts, Erin.
And your dad's comment made me cry.
I'm sorry for this situation that you never wanted and still do not want. Knowing you, you will continue to weather the trials that divorce brings with your perfect blend of poise and faith and humor.
And, maybe I'm not supposed to think so . . . but the picture is rather hilarious.
Ugh.
I am thankful that you and Kyle are amiable and both committed to your kiddos, over anything else. The rest, what a HASSSLE, but this I will jump for joy all my days because of how you are handling it. It will bless G and A, always! As a clinician as well, THANK YOU.
Yeah Becca, I was going for funny :)
All these comments are wonderful. Thanks for support & perspective - I love you all!
I feel like we started a journey almost 10 years ago--both pregnant and due within a month of each other--first with Marin & Graham and then again with Annie & Stuart. And now . . . well, you fill in the blanks. :)
Thinking of you.
Erin, while my heart breaks for your situation I can't help but laugh at the picture (perhaps it could have been altered to look like an Andy Warhol pop art "strangle.)
Perhaps Texas will be the new Minnesota for family va-cays (ah, don't you just love "Stranger than Fiction") except minus mom and dad's house, all the cats, weather you can play outside in during the summer without dying of heat stroke, sledding hills, lakes of plenty!
We'd make due with that and we'll make due with whatever works for you because we just want to see you and love you - and in the meantime just say life can really stink at times!
HUGS from A, C & E!
Divorce sucks. Hang tough, Erin. Oh no, I just got a New Kids on the Block song in my head...gonna be a long day with that running around in my brain...
It seems black and white but I've lived on the planet long enough to know that miracle of miracles, things change in ways we never dreamed.
sorry dear, but that's why they don't call this planet Heaven--..co
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